blog.josephhall.com

I have heard life described in many ways, by many people. Some see it as vibrant, exciting, every moment a cause for celebration. I now realize that none of these descriptions applied to my own life until today, when I had my very first taste of Skyline Chili. I'm reasonably certain it couldn't even be called living.

I kid, of course. But it wasn't bad. You know. If you like that sort of thing. I'm reasonably certain I first heard about them on a show called Unwrapped, on the Food Network. And I later heard about it from Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations on the Travel Channel. I laughed when Bourdain's friend Michael Rhulman noted, with a certain amount of disgust, "this has cinnamon in it!" When I saw that my hotel in Columbus, Ohio was within walking distance of a Skyline Chili, I decided I needed to go.

I ordered the 3-Way Chili, their signature dish. Three ways because it has three ingredients, their top-secret-recipe chili, which is spiked with cinnamon, smothering a manly pile of spaghetti and obscured by a cloud of suspiciously, frighteningly orange cheddar. Adding diced onion or red beans would make this a 4-Way, and adding both onions and red beans would make it a 5-Way. Does life get any better? I submit that it does not!



Perhaps I exaggerate about the manliness of the spaghetti. I ordered a regular size, which was somewhat smaller than I expected, but not actually more than what I should be eating, considering the diet I occassionally pretend to myself to be on. I'm certainly not kidding about the cheese, however. It did not disappoint. The chili itself was slightly spicy, with that bit of cinnamon that didn't surprise me, considering Skyline Chili's Greek roots.



I ordered my meal to go, so that I might enjoy it from the comfort of my hotel room. The cheese came in a separate baggie, so as not to become prematurely melted. Two baggies, actually. Gotta be sure there's enough. I also got a baggie of oyster crackers, an item which I don't think I've liked since before my tastebuds became active in my youth. These are far superior to what I'm used to, and I still find myself snacking on them. I may buy a box before the week is out.

Author's note: The text above and the text below were written on different days, and about different experiences. Hopefully this explains the change in tone.

I went back the following day, to see if their other offerings were just as good. This time around I ordered a coney dog with cheese and a buffalo chicken salad. I eyed the boxes of oyster crackers and then decided against them. Despite the fact that the restaurant was empty save for one customer that was already seated and eating, and several uniformed employees hanging out on the other side, it took several minutes for anyone to come take my order. Once my order was taken (after another customer than walked in after me, I might note), it took several more minutes for them to complete it. At one point I saw an employee behind the counter carelessly throw a container onto the counter, which ended up being my salad. Several minutes later, my order was brought to me.



The coney was, well, small. I took a picture next to my watch for size comparison. It tasted pretty good, but I suppose there's a reason why people normally order two of them. The salad was... well... not quite disgusting. But it was disappointing to say the least. I barely made it halfway through. The menu described it as having fajita chicken tossed in buffalo sauce. I suspect that whoever put it on the menu has never actually been to Buffalo, New York. Then again, I also suspect they've never been to anyplace that serves real fajitas. I love a good hot sauce, and the stuff they served wasn't it. Its sole purpose seemed to be to add heat, which it did poorly. The flavor was even worse. The bleu cheese dressing was decently pungent, neither too strong nor too weak, but it could not mask the rest of the salad. I barely finished half of it before giving up on it.



Bourdain probably took Rhulman to Skyline for no other reason but to torture him, in the name of televised entertainment. From the looks of it, Rhulman hated it. For your amusement (actually, mostly for mine) in further mocking Rhulman (a guy which I actually have worlds of respect for), and because I actually did like Skyline Chili (well, the more famous part of it), they will receive Ruhlmans for their effort. The 3-Way earned them 2 1/2, but lousy service, small portions and a bad salad lost them one. I award Skyline Chili 1 1/2 Rhulmans.